Sorrow and grief, my companion and friend,
A constant presence till the bitter end.
Numbness, shock, and disbelief,
the floating sensation, a blessed relief.
The world keeps on going and continues on its way,
Disregarding my pain and what’s happened this day.
Life and death is a cycle, it’s a simple as can be,
But it’s no longer simple when it’s happening to me.
The hollowness and devastation as if struck by a cannon ball,
Has left its mark upon me, surely obvious to all.
I cannot seem to function, walking aimlessly in a daze,
Nothing comes into focus, but instead a foggy haze.
I need to erect a barrier so others will not see,
The intense screaming pain, radiating out of me.
I know that this will pass, but how much times does it take?
Others are dependent on me, I have to function for their sake.
It’s nice that you’re in heaven, resting in the arms of God,
I know that should be a comfort, friends confirm it with a nod.
But this is not about your peace
or that you’re not struggling anymore,
It’s my facing life without you and what lies before.
The special things we shared I can no longer do,
It just doesn’t seem right if I can’t do those things with you.
I don’t need a photo album to know each nuance of your face,
But you’ve left this odd shaped void
and nothing will fill the space.
Not family or friends, or activities will do,
No matter where I look, I could never find another you.
All of the questions, the anger and the guilt,
The “if only’s” and the “maybe’s”
or “could I have prevented it?”
Who will remember you when I’m no longer here?
Who will give your life significance
and hold your memories dear?
When will I feel normal and not quite so insane?
When will I enjoy the sunshine instead of seeing rain?
Just when I think I’m better, I’m surprised out of the blue,
By a wellspring of weeping, gushing afresh and anew.
Then I remember God, my Companion and Friend,
A constant presence till the bitter end.
Grace and mercy, and His blessed peace,
Keep me going when I would like to cease.
The world will not stop but will continue on its way,
While I heal from the pain and what happened this fateful day.
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